Allen (1 like)
First off, congratulations on finishing your storyreel! It's been amazing to follow along as you've developed and improved this story every single week. This final version is definitely the best yet! Not only does everything now make sense and feel well motivated by what comes before, but you've managed to make things more emotionally impactful. The new art is also great and helps fill out the story. You should be so proud of what you've created!
My only suggestion is to just repeat Kristen's idea to have the Grandmother give Victoria/tell her where her Mother's old bow is. This would be a beautiful gesture, explain how she got another bow after throwing hers in the lake, and show Nana finally helping Victoria connect to her parents. Your story is already really good, but I think this would be a great addition!
Aug 22, 2022, 3:17 PM
Bethany (1 like)
I like that the plot is based around archery since it brings a unique sense to the story. Although the story ends on a sad note I still like the fact that Victoria has come to peace with herself. I also like how simplistic the drawings are. Overall, you did a good job at conveying this story!
Aug 22, 2022, 1:49 AM
Julieta (1 helpful)
Hi! I’m so glad to see a new submission from you! I can see that you have improved a lot since the last time I reviewed your work.
I really like the story you've created and the final candid moment where they really tell their true feelings. Sometimes we say things without realizing the consequences, and we live worrying about things that are really not worth it. Although your story has a touch of sadness, in the end I see it as a celebration of life, learning to live with bad times and make the most of it.
Thanks for sharing your work with us, and congratulations on finishing the Xperiential program!
Aug 21, 2022, 5:58 PM
Kristen (2 likes, 1 helpful)
Hello Team Magic! You must be very proud of your work! It’s a sad story but I enjoy those. I think one suggestion would be maybe at the end, the grandma could give her her moms old bow (with an inscription from the grandma on it) as a souvenir, so that when the grandma finally dies, Victoria could remember both her mom and grandmother at the end when she becomes an archer anyway. Otherwise, wonderful job!! You have made such a great story!
Aug 20, 2022, 5:44 PM
Allen (1 like)
I'm not the creator, but just wanted to say I love the idea of Grandma giving her the mother's bow. Especially since she gave her other one up to the lake. That gesture would literally be the Grandmother restoring the connection between Victoria and her parents. Brilliant idea!
Aug 22, 2022, 3:02 PM
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This is the story of Victoria and her farewell to her grandmother.
Once upon a time, there was a teenage girl named Victoria who lives in a small village.
She wants to be an archer because she thinks it can help her to protect herself.
She lost her parents in a sudden, violent attack in the city when she was just a baby.
When Victoria was a child, her nana was warming glass of milk every night and was reading old tales about magic and spirits to her.
She wanted Victoria to be safe and tried to keep her away from the army all the time.
They were arguing every day because Victoria was sneaking out from home and practicing archery.
Her nana has gradually turned into a grumpy old woman because she fears losing Victoria.
One day Victoria saw the army in the city for the first time when she was practicing.
She is fascinated by the army and dreamed of being a part of it.
She comes home and tells her nana that she wants to join the army. They had a big fight about her dream.
Victoria blames her nana for her parents’ death because she thinks her nana is an overprotective person. She says “You made them weak”.
Her nana feels very upset and angry because Victoria crossed the line this time.
Days go by without speaking to each other.
Until one day, she found her grandma lying with a fever in bed.
She tries to keep nana's fever down all night and falls asleep in her bed.
When she wakes up, she starts searching for a book about medicine.
She knocks an old book off the shelf.
She sees a spell about returning a dead loved one.
The spell goes as follows “until the next day after death, right there beside the lake, need a sacrifice to make, there is a spirit to take, and your loved one can be awake.”
She says “ What is that? Another old woman tale? !!” She looks up the shelves again and notices a book named “Healing”.
She takes the book and goes to a healer to ask for help.
The healer prepares a medicine, tells her how to use it, and sends her home.
When she returned home nana was still unconscious.
She gives medicine to her nana. However, nana’s illness gets worse, and eventually, she dies.
Nana's death reminds Victoria of the old magical book.
She reads the magic again and she thinks this is her only chance to talk to her grandma for the last time. She goes to the lakeside.
She thinks about what is precious in her life and what can be sacrificed.
She gives her necklace from grandma to the lake as a sacrifice but there is dead silence all around. She gives her precious bow and, once again, nothing happens.
She looks at the book again and throws it into the woods. She starts yelling “nothing works. I have to talk with her. It can’t end like this. Do you want my life, lake?”
Then she gets into the lake, cries, and remembers her good memories with her nana.
Her good memories fall into the lake in form of the tears.
Finally, she achieves the magic through her memory in tears and a water spirit emerges from the lake. Victoria is speechless with astonishment.
Spirit says “Your sincere teardrops and your bow were my fees. Take me to your loved one”. They set off.
They arrived at grandma’s house and go nana’s room.
Spirit touches the nana, says “You don’t have much time” and leaves the room.
Nana wakes up and looks surprised “You have found my book. I did not expect you to believe this.”
Victoria: “I was so scared I thought I will never have a chance to say sorry. Please forgive me for shouting at you.”
Nana: “Oh my dear! Your last words hurt me. But I am sorry I have lied to you. We have lost your mama because she was an archer in the army. I kept it as a secret to protect you.”
Victoria: ”What?!! Was she an archer! You have said they died in a sudden attack?”
Nana: “Because I don't want you to follow their footsteps and end up dead like them. I always knew that you would be an archer but I just hoped you would stay away from the army.”
Spirit comes and says “it is almost midnight, last words. “
Victoria: “I will be all alone now, what am I gonna do!?”.
Nana: "Honey, I know I never said it enough, but I love you. I want you to be brave but not a fool. So whether you become an archer or not, I trust you to be cautious and do what's right."
Victoria, said the following in tears: ”Nana, I will miss you. I promise I will be careful. ”
Spirit touches the nana and the nana dies. The spirit vanishes because her duty is now over.
Grandma’s healer friend arranges the funeral and they bury the nana.
Ever since then, Victoria knows how precious life is and things are not as they appear to be at the first sight.
After some years, Victoria becomes a successful archer since she has made peace with herself and her past.
This is where the special thanks would go! I’m assuming they will be a little longer this week, therefore, I designed extra space for them. If there is far more description and special thanks then there is space, this entire box becomes scrollable.