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Micah (1 like)

Hi Lauren!

I love your use of music with your story. The feelings of being overwhelmed with the sadness and confusion really seeps into the audience and leaves a lasting effect. I think your project was very well done, I haven't seen your posts before this one, so I can say your improvement was probably great to have this nicely completed finalized version. Your art also adds the subtle helplessness the Troll feels, along with the mother and daughter. Overall, I feel like, even though there aren't any real trolls (that I've seen), this story still shares that purpose of not judging a book by its cover and letting the audience feel and see that through your story., Overall, your story was very nicely edited together and had a meaningful story that kept me interested the entire time. Fantastic job, I hope you all the best for your future endeavors!

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Aug 23, 2022, 12:46 AM

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Noelle (1 like)

Hi Lauren!!
Wonderful job! Congrats on making it through the program!!! I really enjoyed watching Evie go throughout her troll adventure! Even the ending was amazing, finally bonding with her mother!

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Aug 22, 2022, 12:47 PM

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Allen (1 like)

Hi, Lauren!

I know this is the final submission for the class, but I still want to provide a bit of feedback in case you decide to continue to work on the project beyond this course. Hopefully the notes are helpful, but as always, feel free to ignore any that don't match your vision. And most importantly, congratulations on finishing your storyreel!

I really like some the changes you made to the opening act. It's a much clearer setup for how this is all connected to her father and why her mom would be worried about her in the end. Nice work!

Yes! I love that you added more pages to the book. I know it was always your plan, but it's awesome to see you had the time to include them!

With all the great changes you've made, I'm honestly not sure you even need this bullies anymore. This story has become more focused on her grief over her father and the way that this new relationship with the old man helps ease that just a bit. Having the bullies sort of another layer that we could probably just skip altogether. I don't think it necessarily hurts the story how it currently is, but I think it could be even more focuse without them.

The sequence with the old man is much clearer and I think you do a good job of hiding what he is from the audience perspective.

I really like that she gives him her walking stick near the end. That's a cute moment. I also love her showing him all the bridges on the way back. It both loops him into her adventure and shows she's comfortable sharing with him, as well as makes it clear he's taking her back the way she came, which avoids most any bad misinterpretation of him.

One idea I had that might add a bit to your ending would be to have the mother invite the man in to join them for dinner or something. That would help suggest the girl and the old man would continue their odd friendship.

Overall, I think you've done a great job developing this story over the course of the class. It's grown stronger every week and I've truly enjoyed your final storyreel. Congrats again on finishing. You should be super proud of what you've accomplished.

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Aug 21, 2022, 6:50 PM

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Lauren (1 like)

Hi Allen!

Thank you for the feedback! It was an amazing experience but so tough! I actually considered an ending much like you suggested but I kind of wanted it to end with her mother and her being closer again. What I thought of adding was the old man leaving into the shadows and Evie pointing to where he was. If I added dialogue she would say that a troll helped her get home. :)

I did initially add the girls to the story to show how isolated Evie is but as you and Michael have said they seem superfluous, I may remove them when I work on the story more.

Thank you again for the feedback!

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Aug 21, 2022, 8:29 PM

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Marcus (1 like)

Hello Lauren! This is a great story with a lot of heart. Great job!!

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Aug 21, 2022, 5:03 PM

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Lauren

Thank you Marcus!

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Aug 21, 2022, 8:21 PM

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Julieta (1 like)

Hi Lauren! I’m so glad to see your final submission!

This is a huge improvement from your last version! It must have been very hard for you to redo the beginning in such a short period of time, but I think it was totally worth it! I completely love the introductory sequence where you depict Evie’s mum depression. This was very unclear for me in your previous submissions, but it is perfectly understood now. It’s a very powerful beginning, well done!
I also like the colours that you’ve added, it helps me to focus on the important things!

In some of your previous submissions you had dialogue, but you have removed it in this one. I like it better now, the dialogue isn’t really necessary and you have chosen the music very well. What I would recommend you is to leave a little bit more time between the different tracks, or maybe to fade the end on the song so that the transitions between the different songs is smoother.

Overall, you have improved a lot from your first submissions. I have really enjoyed having been able to provide you feedback over the weeks and to see the amazing result now! Very good job and congratulations on finishing the Xperiential program!

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Aug 21, 2022, 4:09 PM

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Lauren (1 like)

Thanks, Julieta! It was pretty tough getting everything done. I'm not 100% happy with it but I'm still pretty chuffed with myself. It has been a huge learning curve.

I did some fading in and out of the tracks but I think you are right, that I needed to make those longer. I think when I completed it, I was so tired and stressed about getting it submitted. If I continue working on it, I will definitely work on the transitions!

Thank you so much for the feedback throughout this process. :)

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Aug 21, 2022, 8:21 PM

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Julieta (1 like)

Hi Lauren! I'm sure that all of us would have liked to add something else to our stories, but time is against us!
I understand you, I was also very stressed with last minute changes, but it was worth it! You have ended with a much better version of your story.
I really hope that you continue working on this or some other stories in the future since you're great at storytelling! Let me know if you ever need any help, you can always reach me on Discord!

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Aug 22, 2022, 7:19 AM

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Lauren (1 like)

Thanks, Julieta! It would be great to connect on Discord! I'm in the discord channel for the course. :)

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Aug 22, 2022, 7:44 AM

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Michael (1 like)

Lauren, this is wonderful. The use of color and music is fantastic. The illustration of Evie's mom sleeping in a dark room is so effective and sad. You do a nice job of capturing Evie's sweet, kind, and imaginative personality. The troll is fantastic, and their relationship works well because of how solid Evie's characterization is. The parallel between Evie and the troll is really solid too, and adds a lot of emotional weight to the story as well as some nice surprises.

The one thing that is unclear in the reel is purpose of the bullies. Having Evie be sad and dealing with the loss of her dad and strained relationship with her mother is great, so it isn't fully clear how the bullies fit into the story since Evie already has a lot of challenges to overcome. Furthermore, Evie helping the troll is great, but she does it really quickly. The one suggestion I would make is focusing on Evie's hunt for the troll and perhaps showing that she is scared a little, even though she wants to help and feed the troll.

Overall, this is a beautiful story with a nice message. Great work and it has been so cool to see you put this together. Good luck with everything and keep creating :)

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Aug 21, 2022, 3:30 PM

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Lauren (1 like, 1 helpful)

Thanks, Michael! I really loved this project. It was tough going though and I finished it at 05:00 so that I'd meet the deadline. I wish I'd had time to put some dialogue in but I wanted to make sure I submitted it in time. I guess the reason I added the girls in the park is to show that Evie is truly isolated and has no support or comfort from anyone. I do see what you mean though :)

Yeah, I think I'd like to add more to the interactions between Evie and the homeless man (especially dialogue) and I wanted to also add some shots of him returning to the shadows of the park.

Thanks again for the feedback!

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Aug 21, 2022, 8:15 PM

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Michael (1 like)

No worries, it is always so much fun to see a story constantly growing, evolving, and getting better and better. Your story is doing just that :) With the girls, perhaps it can stay in, but it can have a different emphasis. Do the girls need to be mean and aggressive? Or can they not want to play with Evie or indulge her fantasies? Having them not understand her or quickly move away from her might be the way to show her isolation, but in a way that keeps focus on the story's main themes. Regardless, you are doing great :) Keep it up!

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Aug 21, 2022, 8:21 PM

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Lauren

It is something along those lines but I wasn't sure how to show them being dismissive of her without having to use dialogue. I might tinker with it a bit. :)

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Aug 21, 2022, 8:34 PM

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Evie is an imaginative but lonely girl, whose father recently died. Her mother is inattentive due to grief-induced depression and so Evie finds ways to entertain herself. She decides to head out into the park to hunt for trolls. When she comes across some of her classmates playing hide and seek, she is scorned for being weird and they tell her to go away.

In tears, she runs across a bridge and realizes it is a stone bridge. She goes to investigate. Evie calls out to the troll under the bridge and receives an answer from the darkness below. At first scared, Evie puts on a brave face, brandishing her sword, an old cane, but soon realizes that the troll is friendly and sad, just like her. They bond over their lost family members while sharing some food from Evie's backpack.

Upon realizing that the sun is setting, Evie becomes scared but the troll offers to walk her home. When they arrive at the edge of the park they see Evie's mother frantically calling for her. She begins to call the police but the troll tells Evie to go to her mother and she does. She runs to her and they embrace. They cry and hug, sharing in their mutual affection for one another and giving each other the comfort they both desperately needed since Evie's father died.

This is where the special thanks would go!  I’m assuming they will be a little longer this week, therefore, I designed extra space for them. If there is far more description and special thanks then there is space, this entire box becomes scrollable.

Special Thanks:

Team:
Lauren C. Brits

Lauren

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Troll Hunter

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