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Spencer

Hi Day Dreamers,

I think your story works well so far. I would have liked to see of the the concept art with thumbnails, I think the foreshadowing of the girl realizing she is in a dream could be different. When Luna enters the dream portal and is inhabited by the ghost of Luna this could be the ending of Act 2. I think the watch could be introduced in Act 1 possibly as a key to unlocking the bathroom portal.

With the dream ending there could be more of a focus on the difference between the dream world and the real world. The story ends with the statement of it was all a dream and the audience doesn't understand where Luna woke up.

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Aug 24, 2022, 4:50 PM

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Love this story! congratulations. Please come back and upload a version with your images if you can i'd love to see it.

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Aug 24, 2022, 2:14 PM

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What if a girl had to figure out how to save her classmates before school ends?

Note: I was not able to put the storyboard together, so hears the PDF of my story script. Also I did change the what if to fit the story better.

I also didn't have enough time to write out a lot of the little things that happens through out the story so I just kind of summarized the story as best as I could. A lot of it were backstory's of star and the ghost dimension that I wanted to talk about but didn't have time to put it down. But I will explain some of it hear and hopefully it will now make sense to you.

So Star is a ghost and just like the ones that possessed Luna's classmates. But what makes her different from the other ghost is that, she was a student who accidentally opened the portal and got stuck in the ghost dimension. Since she couldn't find a way out before school ended, the ghost that had possessed her body was then able to keep it. That is unless she finds her way out when the portal had opened again, but since her school had closed down the portal hadn't been opened since, until now. (A little back story: The portal at her school was a stall, but is actually supposed to be the teachers bathroom that was locked, at the end of the school day. So everyday during the week, the school would lock and unlock the door. However, even though they would unlock the door, its only when someone actually opens the door, that the portal would open up again. If that makes sense.)

Now, when Ravenwood High was being build, they used some of the same layout and foundation, from Star's Boarding School. Some of the things that stayed the same was the girls locker room that still had the teachers bathroom; but since no one had the key, the door remained locked, until now. The portal was reopened by one of Luna's classmates, who had found the key, now allowing Star to escape the ghost dimension. Star wasn't able to return to her body because by now she would have past away already, so she's a spirit wondering on earth.

Now the other ghosts don't have that ability to leave the ghost dimension like Star, whenever the portal opens, because they died on earth with unfinished business. Their desire to return to earth has made them greedy and now have evil intentions, which is preventing them from leaving. The only way they could leave is when a person enters the portal, that causes their soul to separate from their body. This leaves the persons body vulnerable and open for an ghost to possess; and as soon as they possess one body, they are able to go back to earth.

This is where the special thanks would go!  I’m assuming they will be a little longer this week, therefore, I designed extra space for them. If there is far more description and special thanks then there is space, this entire box becomes scrollable.

Special Thanks:

Team:
Day Dreamers

Rebecca

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The Mysterious Portal at Ravenwood High

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